IF YOU DON'T READ IT, YOU MAY MISS VITAL TIPS ON A HAPPY LIFE( in lighter vein):

Well, I hope this will clear up any misconceptions you mayhave had about food and diets and remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and wellpreserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Chardonnay in one hand and strawberries in the other, body thoroughly usedup, totally worn out, and screaming: WOO HOO! What a Ride!!!!"

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION:
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Isthis true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that'sit... don't waste Them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart willnot make you livelonger; that's like saying you can extend thelife of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?Take a nap.
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits andvegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kebab is nothing more than An efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken!
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratiois one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two toone, etc.
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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in aregular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: NoPain...Good
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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days invegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad foryou?
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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans... Another vegetable!!!It's the best feel-good food around!
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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!----------------------------------------------------
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