All in the family

22 Feb 2009, SREEMOYEE PIU KUNDU

The politics of the human heart possess its own dynamics. Just days after former Haryana deputy chief minister Chander Mohan publicly declared

Chand Mohammad with Fiza (Top)and Dharmendra and Hema Malini (TOI photo)

his love towards assistant advocate-general Anuradha Bali, cracks surfaced.

A suicidal Bali, now renamed Fiza, read out private SMSes and love letters penned by her beau, rechristened Chand Mohammad, who had by then walked out. "I love Seema Bishnoi (his first wife), my children. I miss them," declared Chand. The sordid drama brought to the fore the issue of polygamy breathing inconspicuously in contemporary, urban India.

Is new age polygamy a continuation of traditional social norms? Historically, kings took concubines. Manu Samhita, the Vedic scripture upon which Hindu laws (under British rule) were based, outlined that all classes could take more than one wife. Sociologist Shiv Viswanathan says, "The Christian missionary influence enforced the ideal of one God and one life partner."

But, in an age witnessing a high rate of infidelity and divorce, is polygamy another corrosive factor negating the sanctity of a marital union? Retaliates Prakash Patel (name changed), a 37-year-old businessman who's been living 'meaningfully' with two wives in suburban Mumbai, "I was married at 21. It was more a business alliance as I hadn't laid eyes on my wife. I fell in love gradually with Saroja (my first wife). A few years later, I met Kalpana (my second wife). We had a clandestine affair till I confessed to Saroja. Surprisingly, she understood that I was unwilling to keep one as a wife and the other as a mistress. On her insistence, we got married at a temple. Today we're one, big, happy family."

But was sharing her hearth and heart an easy transition for Saroja as her husband would like us to believe? "I was called a 'pimp' by my mother-in-law, who warned me that Kalpana (younger and better looking) would throw my son and me out. I was shattered initially, but I realised that while my husband loved me as a homemaker, Kalpana was the more worldy-wise partner. I was apprehensive, but today, both our sons share equal property rights. And I'd like to believe we are loved equally," she confesses.

Polygamy has been a thriving practice down South. In Tamil Nadu, bigamy is pretty much institutionalised as Chinna veedu, which translated implies 'small house' or second home. Be it the late M.G. Ramachandran, Tamil actor Gemini Ganesan who married five times while his first wife was alive or M. Karunanidhi who has married at least three women, the first of whom is dead - the concept is rampant in the Krishnagiri and Salem districts of TN, where men believe in more the merrier. "The twilight zone of polygamy" says adman Prahlad Kakkar is a 'concealed truth of hypocritical Indian society'. He adds, "Bollywood couples Dharmendra-Hema Malini, Salim Khan-Salma Khan-Helen live by their own rules. Polygamy exists in the upper and lower echelons of society unaffected by middle-class morality."

Director Mahesh Bhatt whose poignant film Zakhm was a flashback on his own life says, "My father married twice, but as my mother was Muslim, he couldn't accept her openly. I was born out of wedlock. When I fell in love post-marriage with Soni (Razdan), I used my Muslim access to give it legitimacy." He recalls the 'emotionally trying experience', "My second marriage took a toll on both families".

In a society used to doling out second class citizenship to the 'other woman', does she ever become an accepted part of a polygamous treaty? "My grandfather had three wives," admits danseuse Kaushalya Reddy, who proposed to brother-in-law, noted dancer Raja Reddy as a 'teenager attracted to his virile masculinity'. "I was madly in love, unaware that I was breaking my sister's home. Years later, my sister Radha confessed that when she learnt about my feelings she had broken down in the bathroom. Ours is a wonderful arrangement," she claims.

The legal angle
The issue of Hindu marriages remains a hot bed of legal entanglements. Legal expert Indira Jaisingh says, "Polygamy is banned by law for Hindus. If the affected person (first wife) discovers that her husband converted to Islam for convenience and isn't abiding by the religious rules, she can move court. If found guilty, he can be prosecuted under the Hindu Marriage Act and Indian Penal Code." Mumbai-based women's rights lawyer Flavia Agnes points to the grey areas, "The man can buy property for his second wife. Even the child is entitled to the father's property, but not family property."

"When Prakash spends the night with Saroja didi, I can't sleep," rues Kalpana. Kaushalya too adds, "If other women look at my husband I can't stand it." While the hand of law controls a man's possessions, the complex web of emotions remains clasped in a tight knot.

(Times Of India, 22:02:2009)
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