2174 ~THE ART OF DEALING! 😀

715//2017
😀 !!!JUST IN JEST!!! 😀
*The Art of dealing ....*

A retired old couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman promised to hold a car for them.

But they found the car was just sold to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top.

The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply-
"Young man, you said you hold that car till we raised the $95,000 asking price, yet you closed the deal for $75,000 to the young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no discount for this model !"

The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water.

"Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

Just then that young woman walked over to the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man.

"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get him to lower the price. See you later Dad, Happy Father's day."
😛😛😛😛😛

2118- Husband and wife

👊👊👊👊👊😂
Wife: I hate you.
Husband: What a co-incidence..
😆😂😆😂😂😂😆😆😆
NOW, THIS IS TOO MUCH !!
A husband takes photograph of his wife and then declares himself to be a "WILD-LIFE" PHOTOGRAPHER !!
😂😂😂😂😆😆😆😆
A smart wife's note for the husband :
I am going out with my friends for dinner. Your dinner is in the recipe book, on page 25 and ingredients are available at Reliance Fresh.
😂😂😂😂😂😆😆😆😆
Wife: "Darling Let's Enjoy our Saturday and Sunday"!
Husband: "Good Idea!, Let's meet on Monday....!"
😂😂😆😆😆😆😜
Boss to his friend: Kya zamana aaya hai. My secretary resigned yesterday.
Friend: Why?
Boss: She caught me with my wife in cofee shop
😜😝😝😜😝😝

2097- Who Would You Choose ?

____________________________
One day, during an evening class for adults, the psychology Teacher entered the class and told his students, “Let’s all play a game!” “What Game?” asked the students. The Teacher asked one of the students to volunteer. A lady named Aliza came forward.
The Teacher asked her to write about 30 names of most important people in her life on blackboard. Aliza wrote her family members names and relatives names, friends names, her colleagues names and her neighbors names.
The Teacher told her “Please erase 3 names from the list that you consider most unimportant”. Aliza erased names of her colleagues. The Teacher again told her to delete 5 more names. Aliza did as the Teacher instructed and this time she erased her neighbor's names. This went on until there were just four names left on the blackboard.
Aliza now hesitated as the names left were of her mother, father, husband and her son... The entire class became silent and they realized that this wasn’t a game anymore for Aliza. She had to make the difficult choice.
The Teacher told her to delete two more names. Eliza unwillingly deleted her parents names. “Please delete one more” said the professor. Aliza became very nervous and with trembling hands she deleted her son’s name. Aliza cried out painfully...
The Teacher told Aliza to take her seat. And after a while asked her why she didn’t choose her parents or her son instead of her husband as the parents are the ones that nurtured her and the son is the one she gave birth to while she could find another husband. “Why is your husband the most important for you?” He asked.
It was totally quiet in the class, everyone was curious to know her response. Aliza calmly and slowly said, “One day my parents will pass away before me. Surely, my son will also leave me when he grows old for his studies or business or whatever reason. The only one who I truly share my entire life with, is my Husband”. All the students stood up and applauded for her in a great excitement.
We meet many people in our lives. They come and they go. Some stay for a while, some stay forever. Respect every relation, but know the priorities.
(PS: If it would be a man in place of Aliza he would choose his wife and give the same reasons as Aliza did.)
Well, who would you choose if you were in Aliza’s place ?
Get your answer READY!! 😊

2065- ..Dedicated to all husbands

 😛😛😛👏👏👏👌👌👌
All husbands can enjoy 😄😄😄
_______________________
🔴Wife : Shall I prepare Sambar or Rasam today .
Husband : First make it, we will name it later ☺😋
🔴A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
🔴A married man's prayer;
Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away
U gave me youth, u took it away.
U gave me a wife.......... Its been years now,
just reminding u......😂😂😝😝
🔴A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?"
Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married"
😝😝😝😝
Couldn't stop sharing this one...
🔴Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.
😎😎😎
🔴Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??
Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there !
😝😝😝
🔴A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE?
Nooooo! That was the deal smile emoticon
😜😜😜
🔴A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook.
😁😁😁
🔴Best Slogan on a
MAN's T-Shirt :
"Please Do Not Disturb me I am married and already very Disturbed"
😳😳😳

2053- Ram or Ravan?

A pregnant mother asked her daughter, “What do u want- A brother or a sister?“
Daughter:- Brother
Mother:- Like whom?

Daughter:- Like RAVAN
Mother:- What the hell are you saying? Are you out of your mind?
Daughter:- Why not Mom? He left all his Royalship & Kingdom, all because his sister was disrespected.
Even after picking up his enemy’s wife, he didn’t ever touch her. Why wouldn’t I want to have a brother like him?
What would I do with a brother like Ram who left his pregnant wife after listening to a “Dhobi” though his wife always stood by his side like a shadow? After giving “Agni Pareeksha” & suffering 14 years of exile.
Mom, you being a wife & sister to someone, until when will you keep on asking for a “RAM” as your son???
Mother was in tears.
Moral:- No one in the world is good or bad. Its just an interpretation about someone. Change Ur perception.
_______________________________

2044- Meals or...

 _______________________________
Doctor to female patient :- U r looking so weak & exhausted... R u taking 3 meals a day as I had advised u ?
female patient :- "uski maa ki“..
Where is Your compounder who typed 3 Males a day.!...😂😂😂
________________________________

2042- long tongue

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.
Doctor: "What happened?
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes
home drunk he beats me senseless.
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just drink some water and hold it in your mouth. hold it in but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep.
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I kept the water in my mouth. Held it in till he sleeps, and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps".
Ye joke banane wale ko 21 topo ki salami....😂😂😂
______________________

2040- Husband and wife

Husband sent n sms to Wife:
Thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever I am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming into my life and making it worth living.
You're Great.

SHE REPLIED : Have u finished drinking? now stop messaging , keep your mouth shut & come home, don't get scared , I will not shout at you... Come home fast
Husband: Thank you.I am outside, please open the door!!😜
______________________________

2032- Wife jokes!

______________________
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic ,
fell into a river ,all died .
Each husband cried for a week ,
one husband continued for more than two weeks !!!
When asked that did he miss his wife so much ?

he replied miserably :
No!
My wife
missed
the bus !!!
😜😝😋😛⛄😊
😃😃😃

If Flipkart starts matrimonial services 👬, they will become the No.1 site in the world 🌎 because they have a 30 day return 💫policy no questions asked
😜😜😜😜😂😂

Killer.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🔪🔪🔪
KEEP LAUGHING !
A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child. Two months later the child passed away.
A

t the funeral house, the African woman kept sobbing and saying: "I KNEW IT !!! I KNEW IT !!!"
A family member pulled her aside and asked:
"What did you know?" She replied: "That, Chinese products don't last long.
😂😂

Pharmacist to customer:
'Sir please understand, to buy a anti depression pill you need a proper prescription... Simply showing wife's picture is not enough.'
_____________________________

2030- The woman!

2017- Punjabi Matrimonial ad:

BarObar bola!
___________________________
"WANTED WIFE
AGE no Bar,
WEIGHT no Bar,
LOOKS no Bar,
CASTE no Bar,
Education no Bar.
But girl's father must have his own "BAR"..😜😂😎
_____________________________ 
 Finally I have found my true love!! It happens to be my "weight".....
Inspite of letting it go and setting it free.....
It keeps coming back to me❤❤
_____________________________
A Pathaan to an AirHostess:
"Vallah.. Tumhara shakal Humara BB Se milti!"
Airhostess:
"Bakwas band kar kamine!"
Pathaan:
"MashaALLAH! Zubaan b Milti!"
😝😝😝

___________________________

2016- Man and woman

2006- Maid spoilt by Deepika Padukone's choice

1998- 'Never let me live in a vegetative state'

______________________________
Husband: last night I was sitting in the living room, talking 2 my wife about life.. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
I told her : "Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the connections that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die."

My wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me & proceeded to disconnect the Cable tv, & DVD, then the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, Gin, Vodka & the Beer from the fridge...
I ALMOST DIED!!
Moral : Think before you speak. The female brain works on a different wavelength 😳
_______________________________

1984- Husband jokes!

_____________________
Ø A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book !!”

Ø A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband – the Master of the House’? Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”.

Ø Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What’s the secret ?
Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.

Ø A man in Hell asked Devil : Can I make a call to my Wife ? After making call he asked how much to pay. Devil : Nothing. Hell to hell is Free.

Ø Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day.
Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day !

Ø Husband to wife – Today is a fine day. Next day he says : Today is a fine day. Again next day, he says same thing – Today is a fine day. Finally after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband – since last one week, you are saying this “Today is a fine day’. I am fed up. What’s the matter?
Husband : Last week when we had an argument, you said, “I will leave you one fine day.” I was just trying to remind you……

Have a laugh, laughter is the best medicine...
__________________________

1980- It's my choice!

A video by an actress named Deepika Padukone has been in circulation where she can be seen giving advice to all women.
For example -
■ A woman can have sex before marriage
■ A woman can cheat her husband.
■ A woman can love anyone temporary
■ She can choose to love a man or a woman or both
Because....
Its her body, her mind, her Choice.

Deepika Bhardwaj, an Equal Gender Rights activist has put down some thoughts on this video.
Worth reading.

1979- Maid problem in India....

________________
Govt banned maid under 15 yrs....

Wives banned maid between 15 yrs & 40 yrs....
husbands banned maids above 40 yrs
_____________________

1940- Status!

__________________________
Call from a bank to a Girl:

Bank:
Hello madam, we are offering credit card
Girl:
No thanks, I have a boyfriend.

1932-Wife & Girl friend

_____________________
Wife to Hubby:
Darling. ..
In pictures of Shiva-Parvathi,.... Shiva has a Trishool ....
In Vishnu-Lakshmi: there's Sudarshan chakra .....
In Ram-Sita: Bow & arrows....
....but in Krishna-Radha pic Krishna holds a flute.... Why?....😇

Hubby:
It's simple honey...
The three gods you mentioned first are with their wives.....
That's why they have weapons.. ...
Krishna is with his girlfriend...
So no weapons!...

1924- 🍔 BURGER OR 😘 KISS

A Burger or a Kiss!!!
___________________________
Wife: Can you help me in the gardening ?
Husband: What do you think I am... a gardener ?
Wife: Can you fix the door handle ?
Husband: What do you think I am... a Carpenter ?
In the evening, when husband came from work, he saw everything has been fixed.
Husband: Who did all this ?
Wife: Our neighbour. But he gave me 2 options.... Either I should give him a burger or a kiss.
Husband: I am sure you must have given him a burger.
Wife: What do you think I am.......McDonald ?!!
_______________________________