My SCRAPBOOK (సేకరణలు): A COLLECTION of articles in English and Telugu(తెలుగు), from various sources, on varied subjects. I do not claim credit for any of the contents of these postings as my own.A student's declaration made at the end of his answer paper, holds good to the articles here too:"I hereby declare that the answers written above are true to the best of my friend's knowledge and I claim no responsibility whatsoever of the correctness of the answers."

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

AN OPEN LETTER TO ARJUN SINGH! (under circulation in the net)

Dear Arjun,
(Hoping you dont mind me calling you Arjun, it just seems that I know you so well)

I totally agree with your reservations proposal. All those morons striking against it were rightly beaten-up. Fools. Don't they know the benefit reservations have heaped onto India? The reservations in thelast 50 years in jobs, colleges, schools, etc have allowed thousands of bureaucrats to make tons of money on bribes for admission and have allowed lakhs of incompetents to take admission in top colleges or government jobs.More so, it has allowed companies and the government to be equally incompetent, leveling the playing field for all. Reservations have thus totally allowed India to practice socialism in its most finest form.Ignore these ignorant young minds, Arjun, you are on the right path.We will take India to the 17th century in style and people will thank you for it one day.

I realize however that you are facing considerable opposition to this wonderful concept. Thought I might be of some help. Leading the reservations charge, I think if you set an example and highlighted the benefits of reservations, it could easily turn the tide around.I think you should strongly consider reservations in the Cabinet.I have taken the trouble to provide a percentage breakdown for you, so you can simply focus on the marketing of the idea. I have taken a lot of trouble to study the demographics of India and have ensured that all minorities are given their due rights. Feel free to suggest anychanges or additions, just in case I have forgotten any minorities.

SC/ST: 8%
OBC: 12.4%
Muslims: 13.98%
Parsees: 1.23%
Buddhists: 0.0045%
Jains: 0.94%
Auto drivers: 6.25%
Sikhs: 2.4%
Kashmiri Pandits: 1.02%
Tribals: 2% (I realize they are formidable votebank, but I figured we can just tell them that their share is 20%. We have been conning themfor so many years, they wont know any better)
Filmstars: 9.8%
Govt employees with more than 38 years of service: 5.9%
Teenagers: 1% (we have to represent the youth)
Anyone having lived in the north-east for more than 1 year: 0.0005%(again, we have been screwing the north-east for so along withoutreally facing much trouble. I dont see why we should bother about themtoo much. We can lie to them as well and tell them their share in theCabinet is 50%)
Wives of farmers who have committed suicide: 12% (this is good one, isnt it?)
Anyone having completed 40 years or more in the military: 1% (figuredwe should learn from our neighbours)
Dance bar girls: 14% (we have to rehabilitate them, now dont we?)
Anyone who has been displaced by the Narmada Dam: 0.00000023% (hahaha,another group we can really screw over, yet pretend like we are tryingto help them)
Ex-convicts: 40%

I think that should cover almost all key minorities of India. Like I said, if there are any in your constituency that you would like to add, I'm sure it should not be a problem, after all you are the HRD minister and your boss does not have the gall to say anything about the whole reservations controversy.

I will call you this weekend, my cousin needs admission at this medical college in Poone. He got 46% in his 12th exams. Poor boy was too distracted. Hope you can find me a seat.

Thanks dude....

An Indian



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