My SCRAPBOOK (సేకరణలు): A COLLECTION of articles in English and Telugu(తెలుగు), from various sources, on varied subjects. I do not claim credit for any of the contents of these postings as my own.A student's declaration made at the end of his answer paper, holds good to the articles here too:"I hereby declare that the answers written above are true to the best of my friend's knowledge and I claim no responsibility whatsoever of the correctness of the answers."

Sunday, June 11, 2006

INDIANS!!!!!!


No offence meant and just read this as it is addressed to all Indians, North, South, East, West (Nurth, Soudhu, Easht and Waste)............... in lighter vein

ANDHRAITEs:
are totally againesht flaunting their wealthu to the woruldu, though they occasionally come out withu brick red shirtsu and parrot green pantsu with pleetsu. Worustu, no?! But they (think) are greatu in Microsoftu and COBOLu etc! Genrally sane peoplesu (and so you can always findu them judgingu, probhingu, queschioningu othersu ...)

One Andhraite is a chilli farmer; Two Andhraites - a software company in New Jersey; Three Andhraites - a Naxalite outfit; Four Andhraites - a song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

BENGALI:
Bengalees are bery bery similor, but or bery proud oph Subas Chondro Boash and Shoatyojit Roy (I used to know a director by name Satyajit Ray who was also pretty good) and everybody is *da. I used to havb a friend by name Dada. Wonder...never mind. Bot I most conphess, Roshgollas are bery goooood and teshty, tho! After a hot day they go to the Haavda Breez in the ibning to enjoy the kul brij bafting over the breez.

One Bengali is a poet; Two BengHali - a film society; Three Bengali-a political party; Four Bengali - two political parties.

BIHARI:
Bihari kids are supposed to be the smartest kids in India (if not in the universe!). How we wish they grow up the same way...but.... And Biharees are bery phond of Laloo and Ranchi, ka is se bhadiya tumre pass kooch hai, kaa?! Spit..... Spit...

One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav; Two Biharis - a booth-capturing squad Three Biharis-a caste killing; Four Biharis-the entire illiterate population of Patna.

GUJJU:
Next to the Maharashtrians are the Gujjubhais. They like to keep kes in the benk and their favourite past time is eating snakes like paav bhaji, masala papad and pijja at the local snake bar. If they can't it it there, they get it raped (wrapped). They gobble down palak sev like their life depends on it and believe in the brotherhood and sisterhood of man and woman (everybody is a bhai or a ben, including ones own spouse, not vice versa mind you).

One Gujju is a share-broker in a Bombay train; Two Gujjus- a rummy game in a Bombay train; Three Gujjus- Bombay's noisiest restaurant; Four Gujjus- a stock market scam.

KASHMIRI:
And Kashmir (called Cashmir by many, may be because of the amount of cash spent to keep it in India)?!? I know Roja (or Roza?) was shot (I mean filmed) somewhere nearby...

One Kashmiri is a carpet salesman; Two Kashmiris- a carpet factory; Three Kashmiris- a terrorist outfit; Four Kashmiris- a shoot-at-sight order.

MAHARASHTRIANS:
are a conservative, confused, complex lot-kar. -Kar, that is because gavasakar, tendulkar, bahulkar, Kelkar (there is an unconfirmed rumour that there is even a Karkar..) confused that is because sitting in southern part of India they would ask the other person "are you from Maharashtra or from south India..?" and genuinely wonder why the other person takes some time to answer the question. They like the principles of pheejix and their favourite character in the alphabet is Zay (J for the uninitiated, God knows where that came from). Although soft, peace loving people, they elect the Shivsena to rule them.

BOMBAYITE: One Bombayite is a footpath vada-pav stall; Two Bombayites- a film studio; Three Bombayites- a slum; Four Bombayites- the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.

MALLU:
Thamizhs, are verrry lecky to have "simble" neighbours in the Keralites who are a komblex race of peoblle (they migrated around 2000 B.C. from the middle east, I guess; and now even the Sheikhs feel wary of them) but they have excellent GK, eat a lot of chooclyte and own 99.998765% of tyre shops in the world and form 99% of nursing community.

One Mallu is a coconut stall; Two Mallus- a boat race; Three Mallus- a Gulf job racket; Four Mallus- an oil slick.

MARWARI:
One Marwari is the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator; Two Marwaris own 50% of Calcutta; Three Marwaris can finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis; Four Marwaris will threaten the Jews as a community

ORISSA :
If you go eesht, you land in land uf Udissa- the land of irron
(run silent) where Sombalpuroa and Bhubaneshbara are big towns. The people are bery cordial and if your name is Vikram they bill soorly ask you B or Bhe. They do not sout, sam or soot but occasnally bawsh their phace at the bashbashin. James Bond Mohanty in our colleze had a roll nomber jero - jero - sebhen.

PUNJABI:
Punjabis are very sweet and aggressive and offer "Rotti Shotti Khayega?" to which I once replied No. He said Tage itu, yaar! By Godu! Surjeetu, what happenedu, oi?!. Then of course, everybody's a paappe or a kaakke. That's Pnjab for you.

One Punjabi is a 100 kg hulk named Pinky; Two Punjabis- a Pinky with her bigger brother -Twinky; Three Punjabis- an assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds; Four Punjabis- is a combined IQ equal to 1/2/3/4?

SINDHI:
One Sindhi is a currency racket; Two Sindhis- a papad factory; Three Sindhis- a duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar; Four Sindhis- the Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

TAMILS:
Tamils are always proud to be Tamizhs; Pretty courteous (that is what they think, at least!). They speak yenglish but sorry, no indi(Hindi).

The more common Madarasi (chennaisi...,now?)is an ardent fan of kireeket matches. Their counterparts in Bombay think they live in America but speak Hinglish like ..."are you sure ki Sujata aa rahi hai ya I'll go akela!" And they take great pride in making stupid mistakes in Hindi Grammar. The BEST hypocrites in the world.

Tam brahm: One Tam-Brahm is a priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple; Two Tam-Brahms- a maths tuition class; Three Tam-Brahms- a queue outside the U.S consulate at 4a.m.; Four Tam-Brahms- a Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.

UP BHAIYYA:
UPites and MPites are busy going to ischool and istudying metals to make lots of ishteel.

One UP bhaiyya is a milkman; Two UP bhaiyyas- a halwai shop; Three UP bhaiyyas is a fist-fight in the UP assembly; Four UP bhaiyyas- a mosque destruction squad.

But at the end of the day, wherever you are in the world, whether it is in Sunnyvale, CA; Birmingham, UK; Umm Al Quwain, UAE or Serangoon Road, Singapore, ask them who they are and you'll get just one answer - INDIANS!!!!!!
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4 Comments:

Blogger Chaitanya Vedanabhatla said...

adbhutam, chala bavundi, bahut cha hain, bhaalo, samyak asti, romba nalla, excellent ;)

1:40 pm

 
Blogger kishore said...

AMAZING !!!!!

very gud read..... hahaha ....

12:14 am

 
Anonymous Gangadhar said...

Excellent post

2:52 pm

 
Blogger Anshul said...

Very nice. Waiting for more!!

7:17 pm

 

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