My SCRAPBOOK (సేకరణలు): A COLLECTION of articles in English and Telugu(తెలుగు), from various sources, on varied subjects. I do not claim credit for any of the contents of these postings as my own.A student's declaration made at the end of his answer paper, holds good to the articles here too:"I hereby declare that the answers written above are true to the best of my friend's knowledge and I claim no responsibility whatsoever of the correctness of the answers."

Thursday, August 20, 2009

HUMOROUS QUOTES FROM FAMOUS PEOPLE


Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,
'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

- LILLIAN CARTER (MOTHER OF JIMMY CARTER)
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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

- ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

- MARK TWAIN
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

- GEORGE BURNS
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- VICTOR BORGE
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- MARK TWAIN
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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- SOCRATES

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- GROUCHO MARX
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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante
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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

- ZSA ZSA GABOR
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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

- ALEX LEVINE
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

- RODNEY DANGERFIELD
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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.

- JOE NAMATH
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it

- W. C. FIELDS
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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

- WINSTON CHURCHILL
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

- PHYLLIS DILLER
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- BILLY CRYSTAL
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And the cardiologist's diet:

If it tastes good spit it.
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(An email forward)
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