GLORIOUS INSULTS

THESE GLORIOUS INSULTS ARE FROM AN ERA BEFORE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE CHANGED TO 4-LETTER WORDS.
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A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
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"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr
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"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
- Winston Churchill
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"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
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"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
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"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
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"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
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"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
- Oscar Wilde
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"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill's response
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"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
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"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
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"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
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"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
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"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
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"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
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"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
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"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
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"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
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"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
- Oscar Wilde
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"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ...for support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
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"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
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"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
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