2175 ~PARAPROSDOKIAN

717/2017
PARAPROSDOKIAN
(Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech, which little known by the general public, but is well understood by satirsts.  The key feature is that the final words make the listener reinterpret the first part of the sentence.)

•I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

•Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others — whenever they go.

•I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

•I always take life with a grain of salt… plus a slice of lemon… and a shot of tequila.

•You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

•To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit, the target.

•Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

•A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it, as when you are in it.

•Change is inevitable, except from a bus conductor.

•I used to be conceited, but now I’m perfect.

•Of all the people I’ve ever met, you could be one of them.

•A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

•You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

•The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

•I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.