"We are 'little pencils' in God's hand"
Giampaolo Mattei
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A pencil stub lies on a little wooden table in the passage outside the
chapel of the "Gift of Mary" House in the Vatican. In an age dominated
by "virtual reality" that pencil could symbolize the secret of a very
concrete "network of charity".
In fact, for the 4,000 Missionaries
of Charity, the pencil - a humble and simple tool - recalls the very
meaning of their vocation of serving the poorest of the poor in whom
they recognise Christ.
They clearly remember Mother Teresa's words:
"I am only a little pencil in God's hand". It was precisely a pencil
which a Missionary of Charity brought to the altar during the Offertory
on the day of Mother Teresa's funeral, celebrated in Calcutta on 13
September 1997. "That was a sister's idea, in order to honour Mother who
loved to describe herself as 'God's pencil'. Jesus has so many pencils.
He uses one as long as it lasts, then he takes another and yet another.
We are all pencils of God that get worn down, we are only the
'temporary' pencils that God uses to write the history of charity". It
is Sr Mary Nirmala Joshi who is speaking.
She is 64 years old and
since 13 March 1997 has been Superior General of the Congregation
founded in 1950 by Mother Teresa. She is the first "pencil" after their
foundress to outline the itinerary of the Missionaries of Charity.
Sr Nirmala was recently at the Vatican attending the Special Assembly
for Asia of the Synod of Bishops. She stayed at the "Gift of Mary" House
where the sisters with the white saris edged in blue opened a centre
for the poor in May 1988 in response to the invitation of John Paul II
who inaugurated it and has visited it several times.
The world came to know her through her tender gesture.
The world became acquainted with Sr Nirmala six months after her
election as Superior General through her small gesture of tenderness at
Mother Teresa's funeral: descending from the altar, after bringing the
chalice during the Offertory, she stroked her hand for the last time.
Then she joined her own hands as a sign of prayer and, with a bowed
head, returned to her place. The world then recognized her when they
noticed her walking alone through the streets of Calcutta, a few metres
behind Mother Teresa's body.
Mother Teresa said of her on the day
of her election, "If God could find someone little like me, that means
he can find someone even smaller".
Sr Nirmala, who does not want
to be called "Mother", is a woman of few and very simple words. With
her, one does not run into complicated reasoning. It seems as though she
does not need words, so she uses them sparingly as if she were forced
to do so. Yet she has the fresh voice of a young girl.
Who is Sr
Nirmala? She does not like to talk about her past. "It is not
important", she says. She remembers what Mother Teresa repeated to
journalists who requested interviews with her: "Do not write about me,
write about God and if you really must write, also go and offer a smile
and a caress to anyone who is suffering".
Eldest of 10 children, a daughter of Hindu parents
Sitting on a humble chair in front of a little wooden desk, Sr Nirmala
leafs through the issues of L'Osservatore Romano published just after
the death of Mother Teresa. She reads attentively and is moved, as she
is whenever she thinks of "her" Mother Teresa. "Thank you" she says
softly, with a smile. It is precisely the caring attention and love that
our paper put into the pages devoted to Mother Teresa which helped Sr
Nirmala overcome her natural reluctance to tell her personal story and
thoughts in a long interview. Her birth name is Kusum which means
"flower". She was born in 1934 in Duranda, not far from Ranchi, in the
State of the Bihar, into a wealthy Hindu family, natives of Nepal who
belonged to the first and highest caste, the Brahmins. Her father was an
officer in the army. Her mother was occupied primarily with bringing up
10 children: eight girls and two boys. Kusum is the eldest.
"My
parents were very devoted to the values of Hinduism" she recalls. "For
example chastity, fidelity in marriage, prayer, compassion, helping
those in need, kindness and self-control. Like all Hindus, my family
deeply loved the spirit of Mahatma Gandhi. We children grew up following
their example. I prayed to God with the names of Rama, Krishna and
Shiva. Already as a small child I felt strongly moved to love the poor.
The divinity I preferred was precisely Shiva and do you know why? I will
tell you: Shiva became my favourite when I learned that he was not
loved very much because of his very ugly appearance".
She does
not reject the education she received from her family: "I cherish within
me the most beautiful values of Hinduism. I come from that religion,
from that culture. My roots are there and I cannot, I must not, forget
them. I believe that there is partial truth in the other religions, and
therefore also in Hinduism. But only Christ is the truth".
At the age of seven she heard "the name of Jesus"
At the age of seven, little Kusum's parents enrolled her in a boarding
school run by Christian missionaries. It was there that she heard for
the first time "of a certain Jesus Christ".
When she was nine,
she went happily with her family to the festivities in honour of Shiva -
"Shiva Ratri" - because he was her favourite divinity. Caught up in
playing with her friends she found herself in the courtyard of the
Catholic Church in Duranda, where she saw a great white statue with
outstretched arms. "I ran away so fast, I was so scared", she remembers
smiling. "Then I gained courage and slowly, slowly returned, a step at a
time. I found out it was the statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. From
that day on, coming out of school, I always made a detour on the way
home just to see that image which fascinated me".
After obtaining
her diploma, Kusum enrolled in the faculty of law at the University of
Patna and went to live in the hostel run by Catholic sisters. "A few
days after my arrival I heard the sound of a bell. It was evening and
when my room-mate, a Catholic medical student, heard it ringing, she
knelt down and prayed in silence. I did not know then what the bell was
for, but I was impressed by my friend's act. At that moment Jesus
touched my heart. I understood that he had been in me for a long time. I
had never sought him, but he had sought me and had found me at last. I
was 17 years old. It was then that Jesus began to speak to me personally
and from that day I began to ask questions about Jesus, I began to read
about him".
But it was not an immediate conversion. Six and a
half years of doubts and "struggles" followed, says Sr Nirmala. First of
all she had the problem of telling her family about it. Then came the
fear of losing the affection and security which her fascination with
Hinduism had given her. But Kusum had to reckon with Jesus who gave her
no rest and with her desire to serve the poor. A "combination" which
could only lead to meeting Mother Teresa.
Meeting Mother Teresa, her "second mother"
"I wanted to go to Nepal to help the rebirth of my parent's land", Sr
Nirmala recalls. "One day, I spoke to an American Jesuit about my
desire, and he told me about Mother Teresa. In fact, he submitted my
project to her. So one day Mother Teresa wrote to me: 'I know you want
to go to Nepal, but souls are the same in Nepal, in Bengal or in any
other part of the world'. And she added that I could join the
Missionaries of Charity: 'If you want to come unconditionally, come'. So
I decided to go to Calcutta to meet Mother Teresa. She was like a
second mother from the beginning. I opened my heart to her, with all the
uncertainties of a young woman who wants to change the world. She
listened to me, then she said: 'You pray as though everything depended
on God and you act as though everything depended on you'. Do you want to
know what happened? Well, it is not hard to guess: you see me here in
the Vatican, wearing the sari of the Missionaries of Charity of whom I
am Superior General. In a word, on that day at the age of 17, I
surrendered to Jesus who had been following me for so long and decided
to stay with Mother Teresa".
Baptism
Kusum was baptized on
5 April 1958. On 24 May she joined the Missionaries of Charity with the
name of Nirmala, which means "purity".
"Thanks be to God that
today I am a Catholic religious", she says. "It is purely by the grace
of God that I converted to Christ. But at first it was not easy. I felt
homesick for my family and was tormented by the idea of not having time
off to go home for a while. I unburdened myself to Mother Teresa. At
those times, Mother Teresa supported me. She was my strength. She taught
me to ask God for help and to pray. Once she said to me: 'Do not think
now of your whole life, but try to live day by day'. Thus very slowly,
with her, I found the serenity I was seeking and needed".
The
experience of family detachment was certainly more tragic for Mother
Teresa. The senseless communist regime which oppressed her Albania
systematically prevented her from meeting her mother, Drana, and her
sister, Age.
It was not easy for Sr Nirmala's parents to accept
their daughter's decision to become a Catholic religious: in India it is
an unthinkable rebellion, especially in a Brahmin family. "At first my
parents did not like the idea", she confides. "Two years later, they
accepted my decision and were happy about my vocation. My youngest
sister who became an apostolic Carmelite, called Sr Marie Therese,
indirectly helped to convince them. When my father and mother fell ill,
my sister returned to look after them, surprising them because, although
she had converted to Catholicism and had become a sister, they saw the
Hindu ideal of self-sacrifice and service from the heart fulfilled in
her".
Joshi the lawyer at the service of the poor
We asked
her to talk about her vocation. "Before speaking of my vocation", she
replied, "I would like to talk about my faith. As I said, I heard the
name of Jesus for the first time at the age of seven in a school run by
Christian missionaries, and then at the age of about 10 they again told
me the story of Jesus. But I was not looking for him, I was content to
be a Hindu. My parents and also my grandparents had brought me up as a
good Hindu and I never thought of changing religion. Let me tell you
about something that happened. When I was in the seventh grade, I found a
copy of the New Testament in my house. Curious, I opened it at random
and read these words of Jesus: 'Learn from me for I am gentle and humble
of heart'. I immediately thought that Jesus was very proud because he
was praising himself. So I closed the book and decided not to look at it
again. Later on, while I was at high school, an argument on which was
the best religion arose between my cousins, who were all Hindus, and
myself. I had just finished studying the history of the Protestant
Reformation and therefore stated whatever I knew against Catholicism and
ended by saying that Hinduism is the best religion. My cousins on the
other hand stood up for Catholicism. In that period, I certainly did not
think that I would become a Catholic. Soon afterwards, my father
enrolled me at the Patna Women's College, which was run by sisters, God
evidently had a special plan for me".
However, her conversion and
her meeting with Mother Teresa left little time to study. She therefore
left the university. "Mother Teresa did not know that I had studied to
be a lawyer", she recalls. "When she realized this, after my first
religious profession in 1961 she sent me to study law at the University
of Calcutta. She said that in this way I could provide free legal aid to
the poor". When she obtained her degree, Joshi, the lawyer, never
exercised her profession. "it is true, but I chose a more exalted law,
that of love" she says. Her sound juridical training was very important
for the Missionaries of Charity.
A contemplative in the heart of the world
Sr Nirmala comes from the "contemplative branch" of the Congregation,
but one should not be confused. "All the Missionaries of Charity are
contemplatives otherwise we could not put up with the sacrifices of such
a poor life" she explains. "But we are not cloistered sisters. We are
contemplatives in the world. The difference between the two branches is
that the contemplatives have more hours of prayer, while the active have
more hours of service to the poor". The contemplatives spend 12 hours a
day in adoration of the Eucharist and in addition, at least two hours
of service to the poor. We asked her if, as Superior General, she misses
a more contemplative life. "Today I miss the solitude of prayer with
Jesus and silence", she replies. "Our service to the poorest of the poor
is proof of our love for Jesus in the Eucharist, for this Jesus called
Mother Teresa and all the Missionaries of Charity to quench the thirst
of souls in living our life as Missionaries of Charity with justice, in
poverty and obedience, meeting him in our service to the poorest of the
poor, with prayer and with contemplation. The Jesus we adore in the
Eucharist is that Jesus we serve in the poorest of the poor. Our mission
consists in proclaiming to everyone Jesus in the Eucharist and in our
service to the poorest of the poor. If we did not have the Eucharist in
our life, serving the poor would have no meaning. It would only be
social work, but we are called to be contemplatives in the heart of the
world because in serving the poorest of the poor we are serving Jesus".
The spirituality of St Therese of Lisieux
Mother Teresa was also deeply touched by the call to contemplation to
such an extent that she chose Teresa as her religious name in honour of
St Therese of Lisieux, the little Carmelite Patroness of Missions who
was recently proclaimed Doctor of the Church. "It is true", says Sr
Nirmala, "she chose her name for love of the 'Little Flower', Therese of
Lisieux. Mother Teresa followed her spirituality consisting in loving
Jesus with total trust, abandoning oneself to him with joy, in loving
him in small things, in remaining little, so that he can use us freely
to do his work. The 'Little Flower', Therese of Lisieux, is our
Patroness".
The life of the Missionaries of Charity is interwoven
with the spirituality of St Therese of Lisieux. Mother Teresa has
handed down this "spiritual passion" to Sr Nirmala who succeeded her on
13 March 1997 when the Chapter of the Missionaries of Charity, meeting
in Calcutta, elected her Superior General. It was an important election:
Sr Nirmala is the first religious to succeed to the office of the
foundress, Mother Teresa. She was not one of the "favourites" or rather,
to be more explicit, she was not as well known among the religious of
the congregation: Sr Nirmala is the first religious to succeeded to the
office of the foundress, Mother Teresa. She was not one of the
"favourites" or rather, to be more explicit, she was not as well known
among the religious of the congregation as, for example, Sr Frederick
Lewis, Sr Priscilla Bonk, Sr Priscilla Lewis, Sr Agnese Das (a former
pupil of Mother Teresa and the first to join the congregation), Sr
Camilla Pereira, Sr Dorothy Francis, Sr Shanti De Souza. One newspaper,
in presenting the Chapter, wrote that a certain Sr Nirmala, "absolutely
unknown outside the congregation" and "whose surname is not even known",
was also present. Yet the 44 regional superiors and delegates elected
in every area of the congregation's activities chose her; although she
belonged to the "contemplative branch", she was among the six sisters
who opened the first house outside India in Venezuela in 1965, and has
carried out her mission on the American continent, in Europe and in
Calcutta.
Thirteen months of service as Superior General is too
short a time to make an exact assessment. However, we asked Sr Nirmala
for a first impression: "If I think of myself I am frightened, but if I
look at God, at his love and entrust myself to his prayer, I think I
will manage it. When I was given the office of Superior General I
realized the enormous responsibility. I would not be sincere if I were
to say that I do not feel the burden, but I also know that Jesus will be
able to help me. It was very important that for six months Mother
Teresa was beside me with her advice and her physical presence. Now I
feel her beside me in prayer. The concerns and anxieties belong to my
human nothingness, I entrust them to God and he takes them and relieves
me, as a parent does with his little child. And then I am not alone". It
was the poor of Calcutta who originally encouraged her. "Do not be
afraid, we are beside you", they said to her.
Asking her what she
remembers about Mother Teresa makes her tremble. She clasps her hands
and gazes up to heaven. "Everything" she says with a smile. "I remember
Mother all the time. I remember how she was in the last days. I remember
the day when she was laid in state in the Church of St Thomas in
Calcutta. I remember the day of the funeral and the people's
overwhelming love for her. I do not want to mention any specific
episode, just her continuous unconditional love for all persons. Those
who met her can bear witness to it".
The moving remembrance of Mother Teresa
"And then I think of her humility. I remember it always, it is always
in my heart. I remember that Mother Teresa's eyes looked beyond this
world. Mother Teresa surrendered in an absolutely radical way to God's
will, and God used her as an instrument of his love. This is the great
mystery of God and it is also the mystery of our vocation. 'I am
thirsty'. Jesus' words on the Cross explain Mother Teresa's life and our
choice. We must quench the thirst Jesus continues to have for the
poor". These words are spoken with feeling. After a brief silence, she
adds: "Jesus even called me from afar, from a family that was not
Christian, to make me, with implacable gentleness, understand his thirst
and to quench it".
An authentic service to the suffering
Some have criticized Mother Teresa saying that she could have done more
to combat the causes of poverty in the world. "The alleviation of the
poverty of man is already a remedy to the cause of poverty itself", Sr
Nirmala answers. "The fact of being able to help the poorest of the
poor, to serve these people, is already a way of eliminating poverty
because we offer the possibility of sharing poverty. In fact, poverty is
due, in many cases, to selfishness and ignorance: people do not know
how or do not want to share anything with others. Whereas working with
us offers the possibility of sharing".
The day after Mother
Teresa's death some hasty and superficial commentators asked Sr Nirmala
if it would not be appropriate to make some modifications to the
congregation's harsh rule. The religious' answer is clear: "Our rule
seems harsh to those who do not live it. For those who accept it freely
and generously, it is easy to adopt it joyfully. It is the radical
choice of the Gospel. It the Gospel is 'harsh', our rule is also
'harsh'" And she adds: "Evangelization, for example in my India, will
come from the witness to the holiness of those who profess their faith
in Christ. Our Mother's life and her work have been extremely important
and have had a very great effect in bringing the knowledge and love of
Jesus to the Indians, as they have seen Jesus in Mother and in the work
that she did".
With a smile even on the streets of a Roman suburb
But this "secret" of evangelization is not only valid in India. During
his Pastoral Visit to the Roman Parish of St Stephen Protomartyr in Tor
Fiscale on Sunday, 26 April, John Paul II reminded the faithful of
Mother Teresa who, in 1968, opened the first European house of the
congregation in that suburban district. She had been asked to do so by
Paul VI who had visited that suburb in 1966.
John Paul II told
the Christian community of Tor Fiscale to devote themselves to the City
Mission in preparation for the Great Jubilee of the Year 2000 with the
spirit of charity taught by Mother Teresa. What should Romans do to
carry out a City Mission of charity? "They should have regard for the
poorest of the poor, in their own families, in their own neighborhoods,
and share what they have with those in need", Sr Nirmala replies.
Rome knows so much poverty, both spiritual and material. "It is up to
us to approach every poor person", she says. What is so amazing about
the Missionaries of Charity is not only what they do but that they do it
with a smile. "This," she confides, "is God's gift, because the burden
is his, therefore we can smile. It is natural. And we will continue to
open as many houses as the Lord will allow us, according to the
vocations we receive. I shall take advantage of this interview to ask
those who read it to pray that we will have many vocations, so that we
can open new houses where they are needed. Indeed, we have many requests
from Bishops all over the world".
The "legacy" of Mother Teresa
for Sr Nirmala is a Crucifix and a Rosary. Two indispensable and most
effective "tools" with which to serve the poor everywhere. Sr Nirmala,
like every Missionary of Charity, takes them everywhere with her. It
matters little whether these two objects actually belonged to Mother
Teresa. We are overcome by curiosity, but Sr Nirmala's expression makes
us understand that a most highly esteemed Guest is waiting for her. She
stands up, and greets us by raising her joined hands to her forehead.
She smiles. She goes towards the chapel, takes off her sandals and
kneels before the Tabernacle.
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Taken from:
L'Osservatore Romano
Weekly Edition in English
5 August 1998, pp. 4-5
http://www.ewtn.com/library/priests/nirmala.htm
